Identity

Very often we don’t go elsewhere becaseu we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with, as we want to leave the person we have become.

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Human are complicated and yet simple. Simple, becasue no matter how complicated the behavior or emotions of human are, it all comes down to some basic needs; needs that make us animal and needs that make us human. The human behavior or emotions are just interplay and internal/external balances of these needs.

Never underestimate the power of time and the power of buried/underlying emotions. Time is a powerful force that transforms people’s preferences, reshapes their values, and alters their personalities. The emotions are the underlying driving forces for dailly choices, which eventually shape who we are.

 

33 of the most powerful lessons in life.

Below are 33 of the most powerful lessons in life. (http://paidtoexist.com/33-of-lifes-most-powerful-lessons/)

  1. Often those who aren’t the easiest to love are the ones who need it the most.
  2. Seeing children play can make even the bluest day brighter.
  3. Money is not the root of all evil, fear is.
  4. The secret to happiness is the acceptance of yourself.
  5. Happiness is not based on external status, it is an internal state.
  6. Money can’t make me happy, but self-sufficiency gives me the freedom to share myself creatively, without worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills.
  7. Every man has a right to choose his own destiny.
  8. The path is the way.
  9. Coming is going, going is coming.
  10. The hardest is found in the easiest.
  11. Heaven and hell exist here and now, within your own mind.
  12. Life is the largest stage.
  13. Music is one of the most supreme expressions of life. It is art in it’s most transitory form. It is gone within an instant, and therefore, extremely precious.
  14. Follow your gut, you’ll thank yourself later.
  15. Remember what your mother taught you, it came from the most sacred place of love that exists.
  16. Never let an argument last, never hold a grudge, it will make your heart heavy.
  17. Forgive those that have yet to do you wrong, and you won’t have to worry about it should the time come.
  18. Be grateful for this moment, it is all there is.
  19. The source of most of your frustrations and anxiety are the result of living in the future, or the past.
  20. Spend time alone with yourself every day.
  21. Always go with yourself, never against yourself.
  22. You have to be your own best friend.
  23. If you don’t like what someone else says to you, you can walk away. But if you don’t like what you say to yourself, you can’t walk away. Therefore, if you’re going to be with yourself all the time, you might as well be nice to yourself.
  24. The truth shall indeed set you free.
  25. Lies only exist if we believe in them.
  26. Even the most fundamental beliefs about reality are not true in themselves. Our thinking makes them true in our experience.
  27. Your thoughts create reality.
  28. The biggest lie is the lie of your imperfection.
  29. Being kind is more important than being right.
  30. Your heart is your best compass.
  31. Cherish those that you love, you never know if you’ll see them again.
  32. Your beliefs are a filter for your reality.
  33. Love is the supreme expression of life, it is the essence and ground of all creation.

sleepless

He said he lost the meaning of living. Me too. Why and what I am doing here? I no longer know. I know I still have my parents and my daughter to take care of. But then what? I used to have goals, dreams, future. Now what left? Yes. I made a horrible mistake. Yes. I do not know who I am anymore. 

All the words he said to me are like knives aiming at my heart. I deserve every bit of it. Yes. I do not even know how to face myself anymore. 

I do not have choices any more. Maybe I never did. How do I amend a broken heart and will you ever love me again? 

i cannot sleep. There are too many things floating on my mind. I cannot forgive myself and I and feeling hopeless and powerless.

DO not think too hard for answers. It will come to you when the time is right.  

Expectation. Hope.

I used to like to tell myself “Wait and Hope”. Now, I understand that was not ‘Wait’, it was ‘Anticipate’; that was not ‘Hope’, it was ‘Expectation’. The difference? ‘Wait’ means you try your best, do what should be done and leave it to the upper hand willingly. ‘Anticipate’ means you think, you plan, you do what it takes to get you there. ‘Hope’ means looking forward, you know the future awaits, the good, the bad and the ugly; no matter what, there will be another tomorrow. ‘Expectation’ means you think the future should be the image in your mind.

Don’t anticipate. Truly wait. Life is hard,  and will eventually give you what you deserve.

Don’t grab expectation with a determined mind. Truly holding on hope with the geniune heart.

Once again and as always, “all human wisdom is contained in these two words – Wait and Hope.” – Alexandre Dumas

 

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The End. The Beginning…

People say ” the darker the night, the brighter the stars “. Yes.  But as in this very moment, as I am in my darkest peroid in my life so far, where are my stars?

I made a mistake, a horrible one. One that will change my life forever. One i will regret for the rest of my life. People say ” Time heals almost everything, give it time “. Oh well… still ‘almost’, isn’t it? I lost him. I lost myself as well. The truth is I do not know who am I? what I am doing here? why I am doing here anymore? did I used to know? maybe not.

I am on my own eventually. Maybe everyone is anyway. It turned out that understanding yourself and talking to yourself is not an easy task, sometimes even too scary to do so. I know now. So i started to write to myself again to find myself back, find love back, find him back. Don’t say ‘good luck’ to me. Luck won’t help. What will? I do not know…